Apropos of nothing, I’ve decided that I’m going to lay off the Pinot for a while. True, I only have one glass (-ish) on the rare occasions that I do imbibe (we’re not talking a Mad Men level here) , but there’s some sort of chemical change-over that happens with the first sip of wine and all of a sudden whatever my table companions are talking about becomes FABULOUS and FASCINATING and I must ask them what I am sure are absolutely BRILLIANT and INSIGHTFUL questions because they are just the must INTERESTING dinner companions I have ever had. And yes, nice server person, everything at the TABLE is WONDERFUL and I’m just so pleased with the MARGARITA PIZZA that my friends insisted that we order, it’s just GREAT, THANK YOU. Oh my goodness, EXTRA NAPKINS!

And, friend of my friend who I just met, could you PLEASE tell me more about the home appliance you just bought (immersion blenders are AWESOME), and the show you that you saw at your niece’s school sounds SO WELL DONE I’m sure she was EXTREMELY TALENTED and was the BEST DINOSAUR in the play.

I’m still a little queasy, but that’s probably due more to the feigned interest in a stranger’s life story.

I wonder if I can feign enthusiasm in other areas of my life. Let’s try…COFFEE! I must have some coffee RIGHT AWAY!

And it will be WONDERFUL coffee and I shall put SPLENDA in it! And perhaps I will also make myself some OATMEAL! That would be GREAT! OATMEAL is good for CHOLESTEROL! Oh, I MUST do the DISHES! Think of all the SOAP! Oh look, the MAIL! I love LIFE!

Yeah, never mind.