Ok, I’m on my own for Passover, so I’m thinking about doing a Seder-For-One. However, I’ve never put this together before, so I have some concerns:

• The kid at the supermarket had no idea what I was talking about when I asked where the matzos were, and pointed me towards the tortillas. If I throw a few on the waffle iron I think I can get this to work. (Not sure if tortillas are Pareve. Google Translate was no help.)
• I do not have a Seder plate, but I do have an artist’s palette. The paint on there is non-toxic and it will turn the hard-boiled egg a nice shade of tropical pink. Will this work or I am I venturing too close to an Easter thing?
• I can’t get a roasted lamb shank. That’s a lot of lamb for one person and I don’t want to be overwhelmed by meat. I can get a turkey leg bone. Since the Seder palette will be small maybe it will be like a proportion thing and G-d won’t notice?
• I just started Keto and charoset with apples and honey is out of the question. How about a nice tuna salad? I can throw a few walnuts on it if that helps.
• I’ll have to ask and answer the Four Questions by myself, but it’s ok because I took Oral Interp in college so I can do it as two distinct characters or perhaps puppets.
• My Hebrew is bad, so at some point I may have to switch into interpretive dance.
• I know to leave a door open for Elijah, but can I also maybe leave a window open for Chris Pine? You never know.

This is a little overwhelming. I may just have to convert. Maybe Unitarian? I hear they’re nice.