Sexy, Schmexy

Ok, so the interweb pretty much blew up (in a matter of speaking) over Miley Cyrus’ recent performance on the VMAs.

Here’s my one and only statement on the matter:

Miley Cyrus does not shock me with her recent behavior. She looks ridiculous. It’s like she’s trying SO HARD to be edgy and hip and putting the fact that she has a functioning vagina out there that it all just winds up looking stupid and trashy. The collective response to the whole thing was not, as I’m assuming she had hoped, “Wow, Miley’s an adult artist now!” but more like a very big, “Hrmphythsgh?” followed by a lot of squinting, brow furrowing and head tilting.

And she needs to just keep her damn tongue in her mouth. That’s not sexy. It makes her look like a cow.

I know she’s trying to look mature, but I’ve checked with my friends, who are all grown-ass women, and none of them do this. None. (Unless they have chocolate sauce in the corner of their mouth.)

Besides, I’m concerned that her chiropractic bills from all that twerking will be astronomical.

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